"Life With A BrainTumor"

Back in August I posted a blog "IF YOUR KNEES ARE KNOCKING".

It was about the two types of fear talked about in the bible. One being the Spirit of Fear and the second is the Fear of the Lord.

Before that, I posted a blog about "HOW WILL YOU RESPOND?"

This being about two big forces at work in our lives, external and internal. We have very little control over external forces... (such as tornados, earthquakes, floods, disasters, illness and pain.) What really matters is the internal force. How do I respond to those disasters? Over that I have complete control. (by Leo Buscaglia)

Since then, 11 days ago, on September 27, 2007, I was informed by my neurologist that I have a brain tumor located in my left frontal lobe on the area that controls my speech and word processing. I was told that it was the size of the upper part of my thumb.

I went to the doctor by myself to get my results because I really felt that they were negative. So when the doctor told me the news I almost fell out of my chair. I told him "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!" I just sat there without moving and very calmly looked at my doctor. But within I felt as though I had fallen overboard from a ship deep into the ocean and the waves were crashing around me and I was being sucked under and I couldn't breathe. I could not get back to the surface in order to get air. Then I felt numb all over. My head was ringing and I lost all sense of direction. I told myself this can not be happening. I could see the doctor's lips moving but I could not hear a word he was saying. All I remember was that he told me I needed to see a Neurosurgeon and that they would make me an appointment.

I left his office in a daze. I stood outside but I can't remember for how long. Then I knew I needed to talk to someone and the first person I contacted was my Pastor's wife. You might be asking why not your husband or your children, or even your pastor? I don't know why. All I know is that when I grabbed my phone it was Sis Jana Allard that I was led to for strength at that moment and I thank God for her because she has been there for me from that moment on. What a blessing she is in my life. She doesn't pity me but she encourages me and helps me to regain my strength in the Lord and that is what I need more than anything. When I begin to feel a moment of panic arise I send her a text message and she will respond and I know on my behalf she sends up a word of prayer with me and I am immediately strengthened in the Lord. THE SPIRIT OF FEAR DOES NOT BELONG IN MY LIFE AS A CHILD OF GOD!!!

I went to Sunday morning and evening service as though nothing was wrong. But by Monday night prayer I was desperate for a touch from God. Sis Allard came up to me two or three times and made a couple of comments to me and then she asked if it was OK to tell the church and I said yes. So pastor told the church about my tumor and immediately they surrounded me and prayed for a miracle on my behalf. Sis. Allard made the comment to everyone about the size of my tumor being a bite size and she said that every time we sat down to eat that we were to claim in Jesus name as we ate that we were eating that tumor away and it was going to shrink. I must admit that I was strengthened after the church prayed for me. Thank God for my church family.

I’m So Glad I’m A Part Of The Family Of God;
I’ve Been Washed In The Fountain,
Cleansed By His Blood!
Joint Heirs With Jesus As We Travel This Sod,
I’m So Glad I’m Apart Of The Family Of God.

I saw the surgeon this past Friday, on October 5th. I was informed that my tumor is definitely not cancer PRAISE GOD!!! It is also the size of my upper pinky finger and not my thumb. To God be the glory. It is smaller than we thought. So at this time there will be no surgery. The surgeon said that the neurologist will be keeping a close eye on me and that I will have another MRI in February. If the tumor has not grown to much then there will be another MRI in June. If it has grown considerably, then I will be looking at brain surgery sometime in the near future. He did tell me that though it is not cancer we do need to keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't grow any larger because if it does it will begin to put to much pressure on the brain and can cause serious complications. But as for now it is best to leave it alone.

My request is that you will join my church and I in prayer that God will heal me of this tumor. I know that God can heal me but if I have to have surgery, then I ask that you pray that the hands of the surgeon will be guided by God.

I know that Satan hath desired to sift me as wheat. Luke 22: 31) I must understand that my strength lies in the power of God. (Eph 6:10) and I must be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his might. I Know that the battlefield is in the mind. I must put on the armor of God in my mind as Paul instructs me in 2Corinthians 10:4-5 ("For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;"

Tumor or no tumor, there is still work to do for the Lord. I cannot be overcome by the spirit of fear. I MUST stay strong in Him. I must remember that: "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalms 27:1) “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7) The only fear I will allow in my life is what I found in Psalms 86:11; "I'll will worship in joyful fear." (Message Bible)